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Maybe the Voices Were Right About Me Being Bipolar

Maybe the Voices Were Right About Me Being Bipolar

By Myra Sue St. Clair Baldwin

I woke up at 12:30 a.m. for the 3rd time today, so I decided to stay up. I did lots and lots of planning and messaged a bunch of people about upcoming projects that we (The Deep End Northwest) need help with. Now I'm tired and I have laundry and chores to do. I didn't do them in the middle of the night because we're not allowed to use the laundry room in the middle of the night and we have to be super quiet at night (or early morning as I usually call it), so I sat down and did some journaling and started thinking about upcoming projects for The Deep End blog because I just heard back from a couple of people yesterday; one that's on board and wants to do some creative work, and one that's potentially interested and has an idea for what she wants to write; they both have ideas for what they want to write as a matter of fact. So I was really excited and it took awhile to fall asleep despite the sleeping pills.

Anyway, I'm excited about the projects and have mental energy, but don't have physical energy and the attention span to pay attention to chores I'm doing. I don't know if lots of mental energy constitutes being "manic" because I'm lacking in physical energy. So usually on my mental health questionnaires I write 0 for being manic because I'm not running around doing chores with lots of manic energy. But maybe mental energy counts. I don't always understand the questions on these questionnaires. And why do they ask if you're interested in being a reporter or interested in drama? I mean, I really like dramatic theatre plays a lot, when I can afford to go (which isn't often). And I really would love to be an underground journalist, though I struggle with finding the time to read the news because my brain keeps coming up with lots and lots of ideas. Too many ideas and I can't do all that work because I run out of steam.

I have a HUD inspection on Monday morning, so I really have to get it together and get this place in tip-top shape!

Maybe the voices were right about me being bipolar; although they were definitely wrong about me having multiple personality disorder. And I find it kind of curious that they were calling me dramatic and an underground reporter - it's like as if they had looked over my test scores for a mental health questionnaire I had filled out in which I indicated that I did indeed like drama and was interested in being a journalist or reporter.

I'm scheduling time to recover (and not do chores) for two days following our next big event. I got to remember to ask my counselor if maybe I'm bipolar. I was trying not to get going on any projects for the last several years, because I was given the diagnosis of "Chronic Fatigue Syndrome" and "Fibromyalgia" so I was really trying hard to pace myself and not over-do it. But I really want to be working on these projects now. And I don't want medications for bipolar disorder because they'll hinder my creativity!

Well I was finally diagnosed with ADD (the quiet form of ADHD) so that could possibly explain some of this.


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