Skip to main content

Maybe the Voices Were Right About Me Being Bipolar

Maybe the Voices Were Right About Me Being Bipolar

By Myra Sue St. Clair Baldwin

I woke up at 12:30 a.m. for the 3rd time today, so I decided to stay up. I did lots and lots of planning and messaged a bunch of people about upcoming projects that we (The Deep End Northwest) need help with. Now I'm tired and I have laundry and chores to do. I didn't do them in the middle of the night because we're not allowed to use the laundry room in the middle of the night and we have to be super quiet at night (or early morning as I usually call it), so I sat down and did some journaling and started thinking about upcoming projects for The Deep End blog because I just heard back from a couple of people yesterday; one that's on board and wants to do some creative work, and one that's potentially interested and has an idea for what she wants to write; they both have ideas for what they want to write as a matter of fact. So I was really excited and it took awhile to fall asleep despite the sleeping pills.

Anyway, I'm excited about the projects and have mental energy, but don't have physical energy and the attention span to pay attention to chores I'm doing. I don't know if lots of mental energy constitutes being "manic" because I'm lacking in physical energy. So usually on my mental health questionnaires I write 0 for being manic because I'm not running around doing chores with lots of manic energy. But maybe mental energy counts. I don't always understand the questions on these questionnaires. And why do they ask if you're interested in being a reporter or interested in drama? I mean, I really like dramatic theatre plays a lot, when I can afford to go (which isn't often). And I really would love to be an underground journalist, though I struggle with finding the time to read the news because my brain keeps coming up with lots and lots of ideas. Too many ideas and I can't do all that work because I run out of steam.

I have a HUD inspection on Monday morning, so I really have to get it together and get this place in tip-top shape!

Maybe the voices were right about me being bipolar; although they were definitely wrong about me having multiple personality disorder. And I find it kind of curious that they were calling me dramatic and an underground reporter - it's like as if they had looked over my test scores for a mental health questionnaire I had filled out in which I indicated that I did indeed like drama and was interested in being a journalist or reporter.

I'm scheduling time to recover (and not do chores) for two days following our next big event. I got to remember to ask my counselor if maybe I'm bipolar. I was trying not to get going on any projects for the last several years, because I was given the diagnosis of "Chronic Fatigue Syndrome" and "Fibromyalgia" so I was really trying hard to pace myself and not over-do it. But I really want to be working on these projects now. And I don't want medications for bipolar disorder because they'll hinder my creativity!

Well I was finally diagnosed with ADD (the quiet form of ADHD) so that could possibly explain some of this.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Profiles in Black History: Kwame Ture (formerly Stokely Carmichael)

Written by Sean P. McKelvey Last week I wrote about Bayard Rustin; an essential figure in the civil rights movement, who seems basically left behind and forgotten by our history books. Unfortunately, there are a whole slew of activists that were instrumental in ushering necessary change into American society – when it needed it most – that are strangely (and suspiciously, may I add) left out of our history books. This week, I want to place a special spotlight on Kwame Ture aka Stokely Carmichael; another shining example of someone incredibly important yet seemingly left out of history, altogether. Kwame Ture was born Stokely Carmichael in Trinidad in 1941. He moved and resided in the United States of America from the age of 11 until his eventual exile from the states, which came later in his life. He was exiled after years of activism and academic critique of the U.S. American system that still greatly oppressed himself and basically, any and all other members of his...
Post a Comment
Read more

Reparations a Revolutionary Demand: White Solidarity With Black Power!

Reparations a Revolutionary Demand White Solidarity With Black Power! Written by Kristen Forthun The Uhuru Solidarity Movement, created by the African People’s Socialist Party and Omali Yeshitela as a strategic component of the African Liberation Movement, goes into our white communities to win white solidarity with the African working class fighting for freedom, liberation, and global socialism in our lifetime. We get to participate in the global struggle of colonized people fighting back and winning against U.S. and European imperialism and global capitalism! This is the work to eradicate exploitation, oppression, and the brutal violence we see daily produced by a parasitic capitalist economic base, done in our names.   The African People's Socialist Party lead by Chairman Omali Yeshitela has been waging intense and successful struggle to make reparations a household word since the mid 1970’s. The discussion today is being debated internationally. B...
2 comments
Read more

Have You Ever Been Evicted?

By Dave Bilsland Have you ever been evicted? No? You are missing out! Imagine someone telling you that you must move in the next three weeks. Wait! You only have 20 days; one day less than three weeks. Not quite three weekly paychecks! Or maybe you have to wait until the 3rd of the month for your $800 c heck to come in. That's in 23 days because you got your notice out of blue on the 10th and there are 31 days in October. That means 24 days to payday. The landlord says you have been late with rent four times, but you have always paid the rent by the 5th and they never complained before. Why did they change this? Nothing changed and now your whole life is being turned upside down and you just don't know why you have to move. You are told that if you don't move out in 20 days, you will be evicted! Your stuff, your belongings, your LIFE will be put on the sidewalk where anyone can grab it and any critter can dig through and ruin what is left of your life. You...
Post a Comment
Read more