Skip to main content

Maybe the Voices Were Right About Me Being Bipolar

Maybe the Voices Were Right About Me Being Bipolar

By Myra Sue St. Clair Baldwin

I woke up at 12:30 a.m. for the 3rd time today, so I decided to stay up. I did lots and lots of planning and messaged a bunch of people about upcoming projects that we (The Deep End Northwest) need help with. Now I'm tired and I have laundry and chores to do. I didn't do them in the middle of the night because we're not allowed to use the laundry room in the middle of the night and we have to be super quiet at night (or early morning as I usually call it), so I sat down and did some journaling and started thinking about upcoming projects for The Deep End blog because I just heard back from a couple of people yesterday; one that's on board and wants to do some creative work, and one that's potentially interested and has an idea for what she wants to write; they both have ideas for what they want to write as a matter of fact. So I was really excited and it took awhile to fall asleep despite the sleeping pills.

Anyway, I'm excited about the projects and have mental energy, but don't have physical energy and the attention span to pay attention to chores I'm doing. I don't know if lots of mental energy constitutes being "manic" because I'm lacking in physical energy. So usually on my mental health questionnaires I write 0 for being manic because I'm not running around doing chores with lots of manic energy. But maybe mental energy counts. I don't always understand the questions on these questionnaires. And why do they ask if you're interested in being a reporter or interested in drama? I mean, I really like dramatic theatre plays a lot, when I can afford to go (which isn't often). And I really would love to be an underground journalist, though I struggle with finding the time to read the news because my brain keeps coming up with lots and lots of ideas. Too many ideas and I can't do all that work because I run out of steam.

I have a HUD inspection on Monday morning, so I really have to get it together and get this place in tip-top shape!

Maybe the voices were right about me being bipolar; although they were definitely wrong about me having multiple personality disorder. And I find it kind of curious that they were calling me dramatic and an underground reporter - it's like as if they had looked over my test scores for a mental health questionnaire I had filled out in which I indicated that I did indeed like drama and was interested in being a journalist or reporter.

I'm scheduling time to recover (and not do chores) for two days following our next big event. I got to remember to ask my counselor if maybe I'm bipolar. I was trying not to get going on any projects for the last several years, because I was given the diagnosis of "Chronic Fatigue Syndrome" and "Fibromyalgia" so I was really trying hard to pace myself and not over-do it. But I really want to be working on these projects now. And I don't want medications for bipolar disorder because they'll hinder my creativity!

Well I was finally diagnosed with ADD (the quiet form of ADHD) so that could possibly explain some of this.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

If the Biblical God is Real, He's a Genocidal Dictator: Preview

Illustration by Lord Moon Written by Myra Sue St. Clair Baldwin I have more research to do before writing a reflective essay titled "If the Biblical God is Real, He's a Genocidal Dictator!"  Update (10/15/2019): Since I've been researching this topic, I have discovered that there's other material out there making many of the same points that I make. I like the title I chose, though. This project is on hiatus for now, although I will be adding some links to other material for my readers to look at. I plan to later read some of the literature out there that includes points I was planning to make, and eventually write a reflective essay & summary of the material - including stressing some of the points I was planning to cover myself. I'm going to add another blog post covering my experiences with schizophrenia and homelessness. I'm on medication for my schizophrenia and currently not having symptoms of schizophrenia in the past. I wil...
7 comments
Read more

Moderates Will Kill Us All

Orion Moon By Sean P. McKelvey I am so damn sick and tired of the supposed “opposition,” party in my country; telling me that centrism and moderacy will win, and root out the social and political evils, happening today. There is quite literally no logical, intellectual, or historical basis to support this, flawed, disingenuous and outdated philosophy. We all remember when those incredibly moderate, political activists, effected real change; in regards to race, class, gender, sexuality or belief system, right? Yeah, that was quite literally; never in our collective, or any other society’s, for that matter, entire god damned history. Political radicals brought you Civil Rights, Gay Rights, an end to slavery, workers rights, women’s rights, religious freedom, representative democracy instead of monarchy, ended European fascism (the French Resistance, Spanish Revolution, an end to German and Italian fascism, the New Deal, Medicare, Medicaid, Food Stamps, Federa l H...
2 comments
Read more

The "Privacy Invasion Stunt" Essay#1: A Carrie Brownstein Wannabe Tries on Different Hats!

Illustration by Orion Moon The “Privacy Invasion Stunt” and My Descent into Homelessness The Fight for Privacy Rights for Every U.S. American Citizen!  Written by Myra Sue St. Clair Baldwin Essay #1 (Introduction):  A Carrie Brownstein Wannabe Tries on Different Hats! Disclaimer: The names of certain people in this series of essays will be kept confidential, as I became aware of them as fellow clients when we were mutually seeking the help of social services. This includes other clients I’ve met when I was client of the women’s shelter, low-income housing, behavioral health services, and meal/food services. I will also maintain the confidentiality of the protected healthcare information of clients of Frontier Behavioral Health, which I had access to while working as a computer operator for Frontier. I will not accept responsibility for any information given about persons  I am unaware were clients of Frontier Behavioral Health during the time I worked there ...
6 comments
Read more